GirlExcuse.com

#33: I can’t risk ruining our friendship if it didn’t work out

alphawolf — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 02:48:23 +0000

Female Translation:

You’re really useful as a friend

What you should say:

…

Kezia on responding to “let’s just be friends”

#34: I’ve got a busy exam period coming up

alphawolf — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 02:54:55 +0000

Female Translation:

I need to find myself a nerd who can help me pass this exam
What you should say:

Totally. Let me help you with my spark notes!

#32: This is too soon after Bob

alphawolf — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 02:40:24 +0000

Female Translation:

I’m sad, and grieving… but not enough to sleep with you!

What you should say:

Let’s hit up another funeral bro…

#31: We’re moving in completely different directions…

alphawolf — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 01:58:46 +0000

Female Translation:

I need a good reason to break up with you because I met someone better.

What you should say:

You’re right we are. I like guys now.

#30: But I just met you…

alphawolf — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 07:54:23 +0000

Female Translation

Um, you’re as good looking as my ideal “prince charming”, so it is going to take a little bit more work before you get some.

What to do

Take a breath and step up playa! The game requires more work on your part.

#29: I lost by rabbit

alphawolf — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:37:35 +0000

Introduced in the last 10 years, rabbit vibrators are a girl’s new best friend.

Female Translation

Not that one, silly!

What to do

If a girl lost her “rabbit”, it’s time for you to step in. Machines may have longer battery life, but nothing replaces the warm body and stimulating mind of a real man.

If however she gives you the real rabbit excuse that she REALLY lost a RABBIT, then she’s probably just not that into you.

#28: But you called me a “F**ing Whore!”

alphawolf — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:37:24 +0000

AKA “But you called me a slut”, “but you called me a dirty girl”, “but you called me a f’ing bitch!”

Scene from Sex and The City

Female Translation

Yes I had degrading and dirty sex with you, but that does NOT make me a slut!

What to do

This depends on the girl. Usually, this means that the girl is actually a good girl and is not used to dirty language in bed. Apologize, tone it down. Dial it back and start slowly. If you called her a slut, start by calling her a bad girl. Most of the time, role playing and dirty talk turns up the intensity in bed.

of course, calibrate depending on the girl. Some girls just don’t like any degrading language in bed. However, having been with many, I know that most women do.

#27: I’m feeling funny

alphawolf — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:37:24 +0000

Female Translation

You make me feel sick

What to do

Give her some space. Continue a casual friendship and continue to be cool. Try to adjust your vibe so that she first feels comfortable around you. Without the pretext of comfort, attraction cannot be built once a girl finds you to be “creepy” and making her feel “funny”

#26: I have an STD…

alphawolf — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:36:09 +0000

Female Translation

I’d rather this guy think I’m a dirty trick than sleep with him.

What to do

Depends on the STD. Wear a condom. Always.

Sometimes the girl is genuine and she is an honest person. I had a friend who went to bed with a girl who admitted she had Herpes after she undressed. He ran out and never saw her again.

Dave Chappelle on avoiding STDs

#25: I have a family emergency

alphawolf — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 09:35:42 +0000

Female Translation

One of my relatives is having issues. I can’t think about you right now.

What to do

So, this happened to me once when a girl canceled on a date. She did not give me the specifics, except a text “I have a family emergency”. Further texts from me asking for details, getting no reply, then setting up another date failed.

Sometimes this excuse is valid, though. Most of the time, it is not. Be aware of specifics in this excuse. “Family” could mean anything from mom to second cousin in my dad’s family tree.

Image Source: Awkward Family Pictures