Female Translation

I AM in a transition. A transition to a better looking and cooler guy than you.

What to do

Everyone is technically in a “life transition”. Things change. It is a fact of life. This makes this excuse particularly lame. It is usually followed up by, “I’m studying for a test” or “I am moving to the city” or “I am trying to focus on my acting career”.

Because she’s not attracted to you anymore, and your core identity doesn’t really fit her future prospects of where she is going. This is a particularly effective excuse that “drags out” relationships, because it involves change over time. What chodes usually do is that change who they are and “fit” into her life and transition. Ironically this only pushes the woman further away, because a real man may sacrifice a little to accommodate her, but always has his own goals to pursue as well. Women lose attraction for men who seem to have no direction in life.

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Female Translation

You were really a great emotional tampon for me when I really needed someone to cry on. God. This guy is such a good friend! If I fuck him I may lose it. Sometimes I imagine John without a penis. Because that’s what he is to me. A penis-less, non threatening, very friendly, non sexual being.

A scene from “Just Friends”

@ 0:27:

Jamie: You mean more to me than anyone in this whole world

Chris: Really!?

Jamie: I love you Chris..

Jamie: Like a brother. We’re friends right?

What to do

You have been this hunny bunny’s best friend now for over a year now. She tells you about all her problems with her asshole boyfriends and “stupid guys” trying to pick her up at the bar and grocery store. You’ve had a secret crush on her for years and now the pressure has built up so much inside of you that you cannot control telling her your true feelings. Despite the fact that you think she suspects that you love her already, you plan out a time, place and event to proclaim your true love to her.

Before you do, realize that 99% of the time if you are in the friend zone you’re pretty much screwed. Preserve the friendship and learn more about girls from her and see if any of her friends are potentially good girlfriends.

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Female Translation

I had such a great night out with this guy. Ha! I’m a little tipsy. And horny. Mostly tipsy though. This is a really nice apartment! I haven’t gotten laid in 6 months. I really need to have sex. But, I can’t be this easy! What will my girlfriends think of me? And the guy will probably think I’m a slut. I’ll just act dumb and let him suggest something to do other than fuck in his room.

What to do

Unlike men, where sleeping with multiple partners is considered high social proof (terms like “stud” and “ladies man” apply), for women, the opposite is true. If labeled a “slut” by society, her friends or even you, her social reputation suffers. As such, most girls need plausible deniability when going up to a guy’s room for the first time.

You may want to pre-empt this excuse on the date by referring to the awesome music collection of Aerosmith that she liked so much, or the wine collection that you have been dying to show her. Another tactic is to suggest if she needs to use the bathroom, or come up for some water and rest.

If you are at her place, usually asking to use the bathroom works and you can spend some time vibing at her place afterward. Keep in mind that although she will be more comfortable in her place than yours, she also has her “things” going on, such as phone calls, emails and laundry that could detract from the full close.

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